Freedom from Painful Outcomes - Ending Games

Psychological games are a mechanism for generating unhealthy strokes. We have an inborn need for strokes. Like oxygen strokes are the primary need for human existence. Strokes fulfill stimulus hunger. We tend to move to generating strokes through games because these unhealthy strokes are more potent. Games represent a compulsion to repeat. Ending games is a sure shot way to have open, honest, intimate interactions. Games are also a way of structuring time. Unstructured time leads to boredom. Persons free of involvement in games and rackets enjoy the bliss of spending time in alone-ness. Their relationships with others get an added dimension. They build a potential for healthy growth through healthy relating.

Drama Triangle is a good model for understanding games. Persons enter game in one of three roles Persecutor, Rescuer, Victim. Each individual has a favorite role for entry and also a favorite role for exit. There are six benefits for playing games. Players involved in game play, play complementing games. The object of playing games is to generate payoffs in the nature of racket feelings. Players then move around the drama triangle till they finally switch position and leave the drama triangle with their favorite payoff.

So how to identify games. Simple: Ask yourself if you tend to spend time in gossip. Do you over time experience hurt or broken relationships. Do you suffer from mental agony or anguish once an interaction has happened. These occurrences are games.

While TA theory prescribes many ways to end games, the best one is to start generating healthy strokes. Here are some examples. The region from the top of the head to a little below the waist can be stroked by a partner - a spouse. Generating a smiling face involving the eyes when talking to others. Establishing eye lock in interacting with others. Empathic listening to others. Meaning what we say by generating congruency between spoken and non verbal communication.

Think well of others. Speak well of others. Speak well to others. Receive complements willingly. Generate self esteem. Have esteem for others as persons. Bring an end to being complaining, sarcastic, picking, critical ... Give up antagonistic thoughts and views of others. Assume responsibility for thinking, feeling, experience. Be in the here and now when reflecting. Use age relevant adult resources for problem solving. Move to good thinking, good feeling, good reflecting rather than remaining drowned in painful / pain causing / un-productive thinking, feeling, emoting, reflecting...

Ajit Karve: taforyouandme@gmail.com