Freedom from Painful Outcomes - Ending Games

Psychological games are a mechanism for generating unhealthy strokes. We have an inborn need for strokes. Like oxygen strokes are the primary need for human existence. Strokes fulfill stimulus hunger. We tend to move to generating strokes through games because these unhealthy strokes are more potent. Games represent a compulsion to repeat. Ending games is a sure shot way to have open, honest, intimate interactions. Games are also a way of structuring time. Unstructured time leads to boredom. Persons free of involvement in games and rackets enjoy the bliss of spending time in alone-ness. Their relationships with others get an added dimension. They build a potential for healthy growth through healthy relating.

Drama Triangle is a good model for understanding games. Persons enter game in one of three roles Persecutor, Rescuer, Victim. Each individual has a favorite role for entry and also a favorite role for exit. There are six benefits for playing games. Players involved in game play, play complementing games. The object of playing games is to generate payoffs in the nature of racket feelings. Players then move around the drama triangle till they finally switch position and leave the drama triangle with their favorite payoff.

So how to identify games. Simple: Ask yourself if you tend to spend time in gossip. Do you over time experience hurt or broken relationships. Do you suffer from mental agony or anguish once an interaction has happened. These occurrences are games.

While TA theory prescribes many ways to end games, the best one is to start generating healthy strokes. Here are some examples. The region from the top of the head to a little below the waist can be stroked by a partner - a spouse. Generating a smiling face involving the eyes when talking to others. Establishing eye lock in interacting with others. Empathic listening to others. Meaning what we say by generating congruency between spoken and non verbal communication.

Think well of others. Speak well of others. Speak well to others. Receive complements willingly. Generate self esteem. Have esteem for others as persons. Bring an end to being complaining, sarcastic, picking, critical ... Give up antagonistic thoughts and views of others. Assume responsibility for thinking, feeling, experience. Be in the here and now when reflecting. Use age relevant adult resources for problem solving. Move to good thinking, good feeling, good reflecting rather than remaining drowned in painful / pain causing / un-productive thinking, feeling, emoting, reflecting...

Ajit Karve: taforyouandme@gmail.com

Freedom from Rackets - Guaranteed Health

A way of thinking, feeling, reflecting, experiencing which is inappropriate for ending a situation is a racket.

We have need for strokes. Strokes quench stimulus hunger. Stimulus may be physical - a touch, a handshake, a pat, a stroke, a caress, a kiss, a punch, a soft pinch; these are pleasing or a slap, a box, a ear wring, a beating, a kick; these are painful; Stimulus may be visual - a look, a wink, a stare, attending; or Stimulus may be auditory - hearing, listening; When we are not in a position to get our need for strokes fulfilled through healthy strokes we enter into interactions which generate unhealthy strokes or we use rackets as a way to generate unhealthy strokes.

We have the freedom and choice to prefer healthy thinking, feeling, reflecting and experiencing to the corresponding unhealthy counterparts. To racket is to generate more and more of the harmful thoughts, feelings or emotions either in variety or quality. It is the way animals chew the cud. They keep on ruminating and chewing. When we do with unhealthy thoughts, feelings, or emotions we are in racket. The process generate psychological stamps. These stamps are traded for a showdown, depression, or physical ailment.

Figure: Generating Stamps

When we are judgmental or critical or complaining or picking or finding fault about what is said, done, acted out, happened, experienced, reflected, occurred . . . we are in racket. The need to racket is an expression of inability to generate healthy strokes. Generation of healthy strokes coupled with handling rackets is a sure shot way to have a healthy mind and a healthy body.

Think good, think right, or not at all is the best way to generate good mental health. Freedom from feelings of guilt, anxiousness, scare, anxiety, hatred, jealousy, confusion, distress, stress, ego hurt, isolation, loneliness, unloved, insecure is the best way to generate good mental health.

Freedom from experiencing pain, anger, sadness, fright, remorse, grief, insult, ego hurt, isolation . . . is the best way to generate good mental health.

Ailments which are not biological or chemically caused are psychosomatic. The origins of psychosomatic ailments can be traced to patterns of rackets. Freedom from Rackets is a guarantee for good physical and mental good health.

A good way is to be free of stroke economy by implementing stroke accounting. This is generating strokes for a reason and without reason as well. Giving, receiving and asking for strokes

Ajit Karve: taforyouandme@gmail.com

Living in the here and now. A way to healthy living.

Living in the Here and Now. A way to healthy living.

The present we live in, is in reality a patch of overlap of past and future. Pushing past back and future forwards is creating a gap to live in the present. The experience of time is due to the occurrence of day and night in succession. Past and future exist, but only in memory. In reality there is no past and there is no future. There is an ever moving present. We are born every day to a new day. We tend to make too much of life. Life is all about living every day. Life becomes so simple and easy when we live every day for the day.

In times after the second world war electronics progressed to create gadgets that could be programmed. Psychologists of the time got interested in knowing the concept and its relevance in their own field. Thus the science of psycho-cybernetics was born. Our thoughts, our feelings, our enthusiasm of a bright future of lack of it all creates the future that delivers our day in the present. Believe it or not we are continuing building our own life.

Life is decisional. Awareness is the key. Making the right choices and decisions is crucial to changing the course of events for us. Asking a simple question can bring change. Is what I am thinking - productive thinking? Is what I am feeling - productive feeling? Is what I am emoting - productive emoting? Is what I am reflecting – productive reflecting? All types of thoughts, feelings, reflections and emotions fly by the space of our mind. They have only momentary existence. It is only when we hold on to them that they stay. We have a choice to make. Our life changes drastically when we continually make the right choice of harboring healthy thoughts, feelings, reflections and emotions. Our life changes drastically when we continually allow the unhealthy thoughts, feelings and emotions to just fly past. It is easy when we do not make them into issues.

We do have experiences of ourselves, of others and of situations of life. We at times inadvertently make unproductive statements about our ability, capability, and worth among other things. We express doubt to ourselves. Saying what if, is the most common. These lead us to generate views about ourselves, others, situations and quality of life. They reflect our ability or inability to handle life. This is a subtle way in which we make decisions. Decisions are creative. They create events in the future. This process is by way of psycho-cybernetic goal setting.

There is a great opportunity for us to explore. To build a bright future by allowing only productive thoughts, feelings, reflections and emotions to prevail. Good physical, mental, psychological and emotional health is guaranteed for practitioners.

Ajit Karve: taforyouandme@gmail.com

Authentic Feelings and Racket Feelings

Feelings are a tool for solving problems. Feelings are experienced and are also expressed. There are four principal feelings: Joy, Sad, Anger, Fear. Experiencing and expressing feelings appropriately is the key. Feelings are classified as Authentic Feelings and Racket Feelings. Authentic Feelings when expressed foster problem solving. Those which do not do so are Racket Feelings. Being sad and expressing sadness for events or occurrences of the past is considered to be an authentic feeling. {I am saddened to know that you lost your pet last week. This is an authentic feeling. When we feel sad or express regret for being late or missing an appointment we express an inappropriate feeling. It is therefore a racket feeling.} Anger is an authentic feeling when expressed in relationship to events in the present. {Saying angrily: Please behave yourself; is expressing an authentic feeling. Saying angrily: You left all the work half done yesterday; is expressing a racket feeling.} Fear is an authentic feeling when it relates to an event or occurrence yet to happen. {Being fearful: I am afraid that we may not win the tender bid; is expressing an authentic feeling. I am afraid traveling by train alone; is expressing a racket feeling.}

Feelings expressed for gaining sympathy of others or for manipulating the environment are also considered to be Racket Feelings.

Awareness follows knowing and awareness brings change. Change occurs effortlessly when it comes through awareness. We may miss out. It is OK. Opportunities for change are coming to hand again and again. Succeeding once opens the doorway for succeeding many times. Thus we succeed in our enterprise of change.

Ajit Karve: taforyouandme@gmail.com